Reminiscence

So. 

I'm just sitting here, 

drinking the tea I just made

(Its too sweet of course... just the way I like it)

in my jammies (today a sweater, t shirt and sweat pants)

and basking in the glow of the lamp, the fire place, and ghost hunters on t.v.

but.... I'm not going to lie and say I'm paying attention to the screen

I'm thinking about a lot of things tonight, I suppose. 

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

I've been waiting for this one since

NOVEMBER. 

So,

needless to say I'm pretty excited. 

I haven't been feeling well... okay, that's an understatement. 

But, I digress, I'm just happy about the fact that I get to know what's wrong. 

What's wrong with my body. I don't even care at this point

if its good/bad. I just want to know. You know?

Anyway. 

I'm drinking my tea

 and thinking about tonight. 

We sat on the playground, you and I. 

Well, okay, I'm not going to be a liar and pretend we didn't play

We might be grown-ups now, but... when has that ever stopped us? 

"Grown-up" is just a word. 

A silly little word that tells people we shouldn't color outside the lines. 

That we can't play on the swings, like juicy juice, have glitter collections, play with our food, 

and dare I say it, hula hoop?? (and we all know I don't abide by THAT rule.)

But "grown-up" is just a silly little word. Society makes it so that it tries to 

DEFINE people but... who needs that business?

Not me, that's for sure. I refuse 

to let that word rule my life.

Anyway, 

back to what I was saying. 

So there we were tuckered out from sliding down slides

and then playing static-charge-tag (which was more fun than it should have been).

We were sitting on the playground equipment and I looked over at you, I'm not even sure you knew that I was looking, but I was, as always, just watching you, trying to memorize

your every feature. I want to burn it all into my memory.......

your hair was blowing in the wind and all I could think was

how I never wanted this to end. I don't mean us. 

I know we won't end. No matter what. 

But I didn't want that moment 

to ever ever end. 

Ever. 

But I looked at you

and I knew then, more than ever

just how much I loved you. You're my all. 

I mean that and I know I say that all the time, 

But I always seem to remember it the most when we're just sitting

Not necessarily talking, but when I can just feel you beside me. 

Feel the way you touch my heart with just your presence. 

I've never felt anything like this. I mean it. 

I wish tonight didn't have to end. 

I wish I had gotten more than

2 hours with you, but,

I'll take what I can get. 

Any amount of time with you it worth it. 

I wish I had skipped class though tonight. tI really 

wasn't worth missing time with you. I know I saw you a lot

this weekend and last week, but somehow that makes the fact that we can't always be 

together even more maddening. I think maybe that's a good sign, 

aren't you supposed to be sick of people after spending

SO much time together? Yeah, I think so. 

More proof you're the one for me.

(as if I needed more...)

All in all, 

I wanted to write this

to tell you I love you so much. 

I think you're a beautiful person. 

Inside and out. You're amazing. 

In fact, I think you're 

STELLAR.

I love you

As big as the UNIVERSE!

That's super big.

Yes it is. 

Mhm.